Diving, so scary x)

I dived. For the first time ever, I scuba dived around the Norman Reef, off Cairns x)

It was damn scary, the feeling of not being able to communicate except by hand signals, breathing through a tank that weighed like DAMN heavy, being far away from the surface (maybe not that far, but still xD) is overall freaky.

Mum was gonna do the intro dive as well, but she reached about one metre underwater to the metal bar before she decided it's enough and went back up. Both myuu and I were more than worried for her x) and kinda glad that she did experience going underwater for a bit before coming back up =)

On the way to the water tho, with a heavy tank on my back, I was stepping down to the water, and after making one step, another diver was gonna sit on a step, so his tank was dropped on my right toes X.X It hurt. like mad o_o

Diving was scary. For sure. But after that it got better, with the instructor, Vili guiding me at the start.. I kinda found it hard to keep level x) Initially I kept sinking, then the next thing I know I kept going up XD

The Norman Reef wasn't really special tho, and seems like we should've dived at the Outer Reef, near that sea cliff x)

Then at night we got lost in the city, looking for the travel agent that was pretty helpful and informative. Who said that Cairns was a small town? x)

Cairns

Arrived at Cairns at about 12.15 pm, and for certain, the mood has improved a lot.

DAMN, it's so damn hot here, lmao. I guess it's partly preparation to be going home back to Malaysia after all these trips.

The internet at the hotel is so damn expensive too... 50 cents per MINUTE... and yes, i'm connected using that atm, but I'm not on for too long. Even with the 50% discount I'm getting (thus making it 25 cents/minute) it's still like, damn expensive o.o

Currently staying at the Rydges Esplanade, Cairns. The whole town was more than I expected. I was imagining a really small town, but it's big. Well, not THAT big, but it's big enough to not be able to cover every corner within a day x)

Tomorrow we're going for the 'intro diving', so it would be my first dive ever... Altho in general I'm not that big a fan of diving.. but it's like The Great Barrier Reef... o.o if I don't dive, I don't know what I'm doing at Cairns...

ikmisje~

Mixed Feelings

It seems like anything that could go wrong yesterday went wrong. At least, not completely, but the feeling is there.

So I woke up extra early today to hop on the computer one last time in my room in Sydney in 2008. Our flight to Cairns is at 10 pm and we're scheduled to arrive at noon.

Seems like today's not starting out well either for some reasons...

I'll survive, I guess, sucks to be stuck in between. And to top it off, the stuff I have to worry on my own.

Sighs.

Sometimes

I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know why I do things, I don't know what I'm getting at.

It's so hard to be conflicting within oneself. It's so hard to wish for things that seems like it would never come true.

It's life.

I remember asking out once, whether I am worth it or not.

At this moment, I realize, no. I only wish to feel that way, but it can't change the fact. I'm just not, and I just waste ppl's time. Or get used.

Pls don't contact me.

Holidays, Holidays~

And it feels like I'm as busy as ever x)

I'm not able to update this blog much, but feel free to visit myuu's blog who blogs a bit about our time here in Sydney and such.

Missing all of you ppl so much :*

*huggles* gl for your exams, Vanny =)

*bites all other ppl* 0:-)

Way Back Into Love (full version)

Loved this song so much when I watched the movie ^^

Finals is Over, but It's not the End..

Well, finally did my last paper on Monday, but I have a SAS Certification Exam tomorrow xD wish me luck!

So Monday night, went out with the housemates, for japanese food... YUM! and surprised Sheera with a cake since we'll be missing her bday in December.

Pics will be on facebook when I get to it ;P

And in between, been enjoying myself a bit online, and cleaning up the whole house, like major clean up ;o especially with myuu and mum coming over to stay soon!

Cal Band- Video Game Show 2007

Taken from myuu's blog, and this is sooo awesome! xD

Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger

moar funny pictures

no Mushroom!

more latin dance pics on facebook~

The State of Confusion

For the past few days, history repeated itself. Sometimes I wonder why I'm always like this. Again, I'm worrying and such, or perhaps a bit confused, I'm not even sure.

I know I did have some mood swings (but with reason, actually, that I shall keep to myself). But sorry for spreading it around...

Again, I felt, like, ever wonder if someone is upset at you? That feeling has been biting me for a while again. But when I look back at the things I did, and the choices I made, I don't know what I should've done any other way.

Then it comes to thinking about the decisions I did make. I know that I'm pretty secretive about something, but there's so many reasons around it. Fear, worry, insecurity, and more.

One of the things that's biting me the most is insecurity. I'm still so unsure about the path I've chosen. I hate this feeling. I need reason. I want reasons, aside from my own wants, I crave assurance. But how? I don't know.

So sometimes I fear what happens later. With me feeling so unsure. I wish I could see it.

Confusions.. why does it baffle me so? Fear, I'm afraid to lose the ppl I care for. It stops me from thinking any unthinkables but some do haunt me till now...

So much in my past have influenced the way I am now. Can I change it? I can. But why should I? I often hope for ppl to change, but what am I thinking? Then it comes down to just changing myself, it's easier, rather than getting disappointed with people. But after a long time, it comes down to wtf, I wanna be myself.

I don't want to expect anything anymore. I always tell this to myself. But there's half of me that still hopes. But often hope turns into disappointment. So very often. Yet I still continue hoping...