Showing posts with label unhappy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unhappy. Show all posts
I need anger management.
Counseling, theraphy, whatever.
At least after that first line, I've mellowed down a bit.
Earlier my thoughts were jumbled up between stuff that I want to scream out, and stupid stuff nobody should ever think of.
Here's the jumbled 'mind':
Kick the door. Slam the car. Break something. Cry. I never listen to you. We never listen to you. If you say you can only do things when you're around, it's like I may as well find someone here. If you want to give and expect something in return, please don't. Run away from home. Can't run away from problems. Playing games make you forget the problems. You seem to forget how cranky you used to be after work, and you expect me to be so energized after? Why are you making it so hard? You don't understand, you think you know me but you don't. Why can't you do things yourself?? There's no initiative anywhere. Just because YOU like to snoop around, doesn't mean everyone else does. You always feel like there's eyes watching you. You have double standards. You don't try enough. There's always limitations. You're so into showing off to other people. What happened to simplicity, moderation and humility? Break something, break something now. Curl up in a corner, forget everyone else. Lose everyone else. Kick it. Alone, stay alone. DON'T make me choose. I need to talk to someone. I need to see someone. I have noone to talk to. NOBODY can comfort me. Nobody cares. They say they do. But they just want to control you. I'm stupid. So what if I am. You've been rude, that is not cool and I've lost a lot of respect for you. It's all about pleasing you, you don't care how I feel, how I felt. You're the one who left me to be like this and you're still continuing to do it. Because you weren't around I had to be there. Because you won't listen I had to. Who listens to me? You think I have so much money?? JUST STOP with that double standards. You raised me up to follow the rules and now you keep prodding me to break them. You won't listen. You're too stubborn with your damn narrow mindedness to push beyond. You're stuck in a room even when there's a door. It's always about what you can't do, and exerting your limitations. It's ALWAYS about what you can't do. How could you say things like that, I've never thought you to be that narrow minded. I'm so not surprised you had to find others to back you up. YOU DON'T care about my needs. I'M SURE you will always say that you care, BUT IF YOU REALLY DO I won't feel damn angry and fucked up. MAYBE I am meant to be alone. You want to be like all the people around you, why can't you just appreciate what you have? WHAT'S with all these clutter? Is it THAT HARD to reply? WHY DO YOU BOTHER? To pretend that you care? Why are you so easily influenced by peer pressure? Why are you so embarrassed by us? If you can't fulfill my needs regardless where you are, what's the point of the relationship in the first place? I like skirts. Don't freakin' forget and drop things like a hot potato. Screw it, I don't know what 'family' means. What happened to respect and diversity? Compromise? You CAN'T always get what you want. Can I smash this partition? Why so fancy? Why is it you care so much what other say about you, but not so much what we say about you? Do they really care for you? Why don't they ever visit you?
I need help. AND at this rate, I'm NOT gonna get any. Negative remarks will be ignored.
At least after that first line, I've mellowed down a bit.
Earlier my thoughts were jumbled up between stuff that I want to scream out, and stupid stuff nobody should ever think of.
Here's the jumbled 'mind':
Kick the door. Slam the car. Break something. Cry. I never listen to you. We never listen to you. If you say you can only do things when you're around, it's like I may as well find someone here. If you want to give and expect something in return, please don't. Run away from home. Can't run away from problems. Playing games make you forget the problems. You seem to forget how cranky you used to be after work, and you expect me to be so energized after? Why are you making it so hard? You don't understand, you think you know me but you don't. Why can't you do things yourself?? There's no initiative anywhere. Just because YOU like to snoop around, doesn't mean everyone else does. You always feel like there's eyes watching you. You have double standards. You don't try enough. There's always limitations. You're so into showing off to other people. What happened to simplicity, moderation and humility? Break something, break something now. Curl up in a corner, forget everyone else. Lose everyone else. Kick it. Alone, stay alone. DON'T make me choose. I need to talk to someone. I need to see someone. I have noone to talk to. NOBODY can comfort me. Nobody cares. They say they do. But they just want to control you. I'm stupid. So what if I am. You've been rude, that is not cool and I've lost a lot of respect for you. It's all about pleasing you, you don't care how I feel, how I felt. You're the one who left me to be like this and you're still continuing to do it. Because you weren't around I had to be there. Because you won't listen I had to. Who listens to me? You think I have so much money?? JUST STOP with that double standards. You raised me up to follow the rules and now you keep prodding me to break them. You won't listen. You're too stubborn with your damn narrow mindedness to push beyond. You're stuck in a room even when there's a door. It's always about what you can't do, and exerting your limitations. It's ALWAYS about what you can't do. How could you say things like that, I've never thought you to be that narrow minded. I'm so not surprised you had to find others to back you up. YOU DON'T care about my needs. I'M SURE you will always say that you care, BUT IF YOU REALLY DO I won't feel damn angry and fucked up. MAYBE I am meant to be alone. You want to be like all the people around you, why can't you just appreciate what you have? WHAT'S with all these clutter? Is it THAT HARD to reply? WHY DO YOU BOTHER? To pretend that you care? Why are you so easily influenced by peer pressure? Why are you so embarrassed by us? If you can't fulfill my needs regardless where you are, what's the point of the relationship in the first place? I like skirts. Don't freakin' forget and drop things like a hot potato. Screw it, I don't know what 'family' means. What happened to respect and diversity? Compromise? You CAN'T always get what you want. Can I smash this partition? Why so fancy? Why is it you care so much what other say about you, but not so much what we say about you? Do they really care for you? Why don't they ever visit you?
I need help. AND at this rate, I'm NOT gonna get any. Negative remarks will be ignored.
So sick of being sick
Pretty much self-explanatory. I'm so tired, so exhausted. Yet I can't even rest decently.
Losing You. Slowly but surely.
Warning: emo post
I've watched you from afar. As you go further away. Your surroundings have changed. But I am no longer there.
What has happened?
The language you speak, is now foreign.
The radio channel you're listening to, is different.
There's somebody else in my seat.
I feel like I've lost you.
I tried to reach out, but your hand's not there.
I cried out, but you didn't hear me.
I teared, but you didn't notice.
My voice is gone.
I've watched you from afar. As you go further away. Your surroundings have changed. But I am no longer there.
What has happened?
The language you speak, is now foreign.
The radio channel you're listening to, is different.
There's somebody else in my seat.
I feel like I've lost you.
I tried to reach out, but your hand's not there.
I cried out, but you didn't hear me.
I teared, but you didn't notice.
My voice is gone.
When it rains
It pours.
Sudah jatuh, ditimpa tangga.
Shit happens. There will be times when many bad things happen at the same time. I may very well lost 'my love' yesterday, and as sad as I am about it, I somehow feel blessed in some ways. It feels like there's some sort of blessing in disguise, but I do not know it yet. I do wonder how I can feel rather optimistic like that while being pessimistic about the way things happened at the same time.
I am sad. But I tell myself, things can't really get any worse than they are, right? If it does, so what.. :P Shit happens.
At least, there's definitely good things to look forward to soon :)
Sudah jatuh, ditimpa tangga.
Shit happens. There will be times when many bad things happen at the same time. I may very well lost 'my love' yesterday, and as sad as I am about it, I somehow feel blessed in some ways. It feels like there's some sort of blessing in disguise, but I do not know it yet. I do wonder how I can feel rather optimistic like that while being pessimistic about the way things happened at the same time.
I am sad. But I tell myself, things can't really get any worse than they are, right? If it does, so what.. :P Shit happens.
At least, there's definitely good things to look forward to soon :)
Is the trend building up?
I remember someone (who was relatively a lot older than me) told me once. At around my age, we go about attending weddings or parties of newborns. Wherelse, people her age go around attending funerals.
And yet another person I knew since young has passed on. Sudden like the last? Perhaps so, but in entirely different circumstances. This time from a motor accident (Tho the actual cause may be surgery complications). The date of departure was yesterday, exactly a month after the passing of my aunt.
Often I'm reminded that my life here is a gift. And anytime, it may just disappear. All of us assume that it will last a very very long time. How safe is that assumption? But to be fair, what else can you assume?
Then come the quotes. Live today like there's no tomorrow, and such.
Nevertheless, life again, goes on. But it is always changing, no matter how much we resist naturally. Does embracing and adapting to change makes one live a happy life?
And yet another person I knew since young has passed on. Sudden like the last? Perhaps so, but in entirely different circumstances. This time from a motor accident (Tho the actual cause may be surgery complications). The date of departure was yesterday, exactly a month after the passing of my aunt.
Often I'm reminded that my life here is a gift. And anytime, it may just disappear. All of us assume that it will last a very very long time. How safe is that assumption? But to be fair, what else can you assume?
Then come the quotes. Live today like there's no tomorrow, and such.
Nevertheless, life again, goes on. But it is always changing, no matter how much we resist naturally. Does embracing and adapting to change makes one live a happy life?
Life goes on
In the last 4 months, I've lost 3 relatives. Two to cancer, one to old age.
Some hits you harder than others, regardless the cause. Yesterday's loss was one of the harder ones.
Some things are unpredictable, life and reality can hit you at any random time. When that happens, choices have to be made. These choices will affect others. I used to worry about the consequences of my choices, but now I tend to believe the best of others. :)
I was definitely not prepared for yesterday. But at least, I believe I made the right choices. If there was a right choice or wrong choice in the first place :P
Anyhow, I marveled at the fact that the rest of the world is oblivious to what's happening to a little family, showing how relatively minute we are in this big world.
How can I ever be prepared? Regardless on how big or small chances are for tragedy to strike, the chance is still there. Would that be enough reason to get some things in life done fast?
I remember once participating in a Relay for Life back in UNSW, and if there was one nearby KL now, I'd definitely try to go for it. There's one coming in June, but it's in Penang. So those nearby there.. try going for it!
Some hits you harder than others, regardless the cause. Yesterday's loss was one of the harder ones.
Some things are unpredictable, life and reality can hit you at any random time. When that happens, choices have to be made. These choices will affect others. I used to worry about the consequences of my choices, but now I tend to believe the best of others. :)
I was definitely not prepared for yesterday. But at least, I believe I made the right choices. If there was a right choice or wrong choice in the first place :P
Anyhow, I marveled at the fact that the rest of the world is oblivious to what's happening to a little family, showing how relatively minute we are in this big world.
How can I ever be prepared? Regardless on how big or small chances are for tragedy to strike, the chance is still there. Would that be enough reason to get some things in life done fast?
I remember once participating in a Relay for Life back in UNSW, and if there was one nearby KL now, I'd definitely try to go for it. There's one coming in June, but it's in Penang. So those nearby there.. try going for it!
What's a fever without the cough and cold?
What a way to start 2010!
On Wednesday, I started feeling the chills and feeling very uncomfortable in the office. My appetite's gone and I could hardly think. (Yes, I do think ok). I was supposed to have a meeting Wednesday afternoon, but at lunch time, I felt really nauseous, so I postponed the meet, took EL and went home just after lunch time.
I ended up having a temperature of 39 C / 102.2 F not long after I arrived home and rested in bed. Besides that, I was throwing up whatever I ate followed by a massive headache.
Pretty much the rest of Wednesday and the whole of Thursday was spent in bed. I visited the doctor Thursday morning whom says what I have may be attributed to stress. :P
Somehow managed to muster enough energy to go to the office on Friday o.O It was a busy day. The throwing up still happened, once at work, and many times after. But Friday was the day the diarrhoea began. Without the stomach pain.
Anyway, whatever it is, it's weird. Saturday was better, and I went out a bit. To fetch Schramper and Chumil! :D I'll introduce them later.
Sunday's good. Looks like no more throwing up today. Normal appetite's not back yet tho
On Wednesday, I started feeling the chills and feeling very uncomfortable in the office. My appetite's gone and I could hardly think. (Yes, I do think ok). I was supposed to have a meeting Wednesday afternoon, but at lunch time, I felt really nauseous, so I postponed the meet, took EL and went home just after lunch time.
I ended up having a temperature of 39 C / 102.2 F not long after I arrived home and rested in bed. Besides that, I was throwing up whatever I ate followed by a massive headache.
Pretty much the rest of Wednesday and the whole of Thursday was spent in bed. I visited the doctor Thursday morning whom says what I have may be attributed to stress. :P
Somehow managed to muster enough energy to go to the office on Friday o.O It was a busy day. The throwing up still happened, once at work, and many times after. But Friday was the day the diarrhoea began. Without the stomach pain.
Anyway, whatever it is, it's weird. Saturday was better, and I went out a bit. To fetch Schramper and Chumil! :D I'll introduce them later.
Sunday's good. Looks like no more throwing up today. Normal appetite's not back yet tho
Don't know...
I've passed the point where I'm just feeling like giving up. Part if me is unsure what to do, the other part of me just wants to end it now.
I don't know if I can continue like this anymore, I don't think I can.
Maybe it's time to start letting go many things...
I don't know if I can continue like this anymore, I don't think I can.
Maybe it's time to start letting go many things...
Crap T.T Canberra~
Last Thu-Fri, we made a trip to Canberra. Damn it's a lot colder there than in Sydney. Next week I'm gonna head up north to the Gold Coast again. yay :P
Canberra was okay, certainly not a place I'd wanna stay long-term, but in its own way it has lots of nice scenery and stuff. But where are the people? :P The moment the bus 'entered' Canberra, I wondered that, as there are not many people/cars/traffic, as compared to Sydney of course. Then again, I've been brought up in the KL/PJ area and even in Shah Alam during my Diploma studies, there's always a lot of people roaming around :P
Another thing that I noticed, is that most, if not all, the buildings are relatively short (like PKNS), spaced out, and in some sort of brown shade. Not many colours xP It reminded me of the old universities somehow x)
Overall it was a pretty okay trip, since it was planned at the very last minute (literally, as we discussed where to visit over lunch upon arrival), the only bad thing that happened is losing my wallet there T.T Seriously, crap. I've had that wallet since I was 14 or so, and even though it's falling apart, I still happily use it, till I'm gifted another. :P (It was a birthday present from Farah, one of my old school buddies, and prior to that wallet, I was also using a Garfield wallet that I got for my 11th or 12th birthday). Now, I have to get a new one ...
That's not much of a problem tho, what I'm more concerned about is all my IDs and such T.T My bankcards/credit cards have been cancelled, I've got my student id replaced, tomorrow going to get my australian photo id. That's really not too bad, in a way, just more outflow of cash, but things could've been worse I reckon. I'm so glad I went for the photo ID, rather than carrying my passport around and risk losing it. It seems that I can also get my malaysian driving license for RM20 replaced, however, I have to be back in Malaysia it seems o.o And same case for my Malaysian IC, except that it's way more expensive. :K *shrugs* I've no info yet on how to get it replaced or anything while I'm still in Australia. And considering that I'm gonna extend my visa really soon for the next semester, I'm just glad to have my passport with me.
Current Song: Stand By Me
Artist: Oasis
Over the last week, I've been hanging out more with some friends, and over that week I learnt a lot about tennis :P And thus I became one of them whom stayed up all night watching the Wimbledon finals. It sucks to see the person I was rooting for lost. However, seeing sports makes me wanna tune up the activeness in it again o.o Sailing, chess? scrabble? I have to go to the gym tho :P
Canberra was okay, certainly not a place I'd wanna stay long-term, but in its own way it has lots of nice scenery and stuff. But where are the people? :P The moment the bus 'entered' Canberra, I wondered that, as there are not many people/cars/traffic, as compared to Sydney of course. Then again, I've been brought up in the KL/PJ area and even in Shah Alam during my Diploma studies, there's always a lot of people roaming around :P
Another thing that I noticed, is that most, if not all, the buildings are relatively short (like PKNS), spaced out, and in some sort of brown shade. Not many colours xP It reminded me of the old universities somehow x)
Overall it was a pretty okay trip, since it was planned at the very last minute (literally, as we discussed where to visit over lunch upon arrival), the only bad thing that happened is losing my wallet there T.T Seriously, crap. I've had that wallet since I was 14 or so, and even though it's falling apart, I still happily use it, till I'm gifted another. :P (It was a birthday present from Farah, one of my old school buddies, and prior to that wallet, I was also using a Garfield wallet that I got for my 11th or 12th birthday). Now, I have to get a new one ...
That's not much of a problem tho, what I'm more concerned about is all my IDs and such T.T My bankcards/credit cards have been cancelled, I've got my student id replaced, tomorrow going to get my australian photo id. That's really not too bad, in a way, just more outflow of cash, but things could've been worse I reckon. I'm so glad I went for the photo ID, rather than carrying my passport around and risk losing it. It seems that I can also get my malaysian driving license for RM20 replaced, however, I have to be back in Malaysia it seems o.o And same case for my Malaysian IC, except that it's way more expensive. :K *shrugs* I've no info yet on how to get it replaced or anything while I'm still in Australia. And considering that I'm gonna extend my visa really soon for the next semester, I'm just glad to have my passport with me.
Current Song: Stand By Me
Artist: Oasis
Over the last week, I've been hanging out more with some friends, and over that week I learnt a lot about tennis :P And thus I became one of them whom stayed up all night watching the Wimbledon finals. It sucks to see the person I was rooting for lost. However, seeing sports makes me wanna tune up the activeness in it again o.o Sailing, chess? scrabble? I have to go to the gym tho :P
Dying laptop?
So suddenly, I've been having issues with my laptop, starting last night, when it just hung, with a funny screen. Funny, meaning this:
Naturally when computers hang, I attempted to restart it, but every time I restarted my laptop, that 'black/white screen of death' appears, and I'm unable to do anything. (Except to turn it off). So I let my computer shut down and leave it a while.. Pondering my options if indeed my laptop broke, and what to do.
Since it happened around midnight, I then went to sleep, hoping it would be okay in the morning. However this morning, I was still greeted by that 'friendly' screen. I was extremely worried and unsure, especially when I have major assignments due within three days, and all my research data and stuff, was scattered around the desktop on the computer.
Another thing it kept doing is restarting itself, while that screen is up. It does go black again when it restarts, then it shows that ugly scene again. While hijacking Sindy's laptop for awhile, in hopes of finding out service centres or call centre for support, I was advise to do something, that left me having my laptop on for a slightly longer period, where it continuously restarted itself.
However suddenly at one point, it restarted and started up normally o_o I was so relieved. First thing I did was back up all my research stuff x) And today, spent the day working on one of the essays due Tuesday.
Then barely 30 minutes ago, it happened again. And this time I managed to get a picture of it...
I still don't know what's wrong.. is it my laptop? Windows Vista? *shrugs*
Naturally when computers hang, I attempted to restart it, but every time I restarted my laptop, that 'black/white screen of death' appears, and I'm unable to do anything. (Except to turn it off). So I let my computer shut down and leave it a while.. Pondering my options if indeed my laptop broke, and what to do.Since it happened around midnight, I then went to sleep, hoping it would be okay in the morning. However this morning, I was still greeted by that 'friendly' screen. I was extremely worried and unsure, especially when I have major assignments due within three days, and all my research data and stuff, was scattered around the desktop on the computer.
Another thing it kept doing is restarting itself, while that screen is up. It does go black again when it restarts, then it shows that ugly scene again. While hijacking Sindy's laptop for awhile, in hopes of finding out service centres or call centre for support, I was advise to do something, that left me having my laptop on for a slightly longer period, where it continuously restarted itself.
However suddenly at one point, it restarted and started up normally o_o I was so relieved. First thing I did was back up all my research stuff x) And today, spent the day working on one of the essays due Tuesday.
Then barely 30 minutes ago, it happened again. And this time I managed to get a picture of it...
I still don't know what's wrong.. is it my laptop? Windows Vista? *shrugs*
Can I give up yet?
I'm tired. I don't know what to do. I don't know anymore. I try, but it doesn't work. I tried and I failed. I try and I fail. Should I just give up? Can I? Please?
Why, why.. why did I agree to sacrifice my summer holidays for this? Why am I still struggling to feel homely in my own 'home'...
Maybe it's time. But whatever, I'll just stay put. I'm tired anyway, I've got nowhere to go.
...*sighs*... I'm just that hopeless.
On a lighter note, after braving the roads and traffic of KL, just to get to Cheras, well, I'm always intimidated to drive to the other side of town, where the roads are not maintained (like here as well) but the drivers are scarier. Saw a motorcycle almost getting knocked by a big car, we've arrived to the shop we were looking for.. a shoe shop. Not just any shoe shop tho, they make custom dance shoes. My current pair of shoes that I use to dance in, is not actually built for dancing. Besides, it cost me like 100 aud but it is pretty comfy. However, in this shop, I could get a custom made pair of actual dancing shoes at around 130 ringgit.
Firstly you just look at all the assortment of designs on display on the shelves. Then you pick the colours/glitter you want, and also what kind of strap you'd like. Seriously it's so much easier to wear this pair than my old pair. I wasn't an expert in choosing/buying shoes, so I just went along with what looks cute and chose to have it in black + black glitter. The display was silver + silver glitter. Then, they measure your feet. In a week's time, the shoes are ready to be picked up. Once I collect it, I'll take a pic of it.
Why, why.. why did I agree to sacrifice my summer holidays for this? Why am I still struggling to feel homely in my own 'home'...
Maybe it's time. But whatever, I'll just stay put. I'm tired anyway, I've got nowhere to go.
...*sighs*... I'm just that hopeless.
On a lighter note, after braving the roads and traffic of KL, just to get to Cheras, well, I'm always intimidated to drive to the other side of town, where the roads are not maintained (like here as well) but the drivers are scarier. Saw a motorcycle almost getting knocked by a big car, we've arrived to the shop we were looking for.. a shoe shop. Not just any shoe shop tho, they make custom dance shoes. My current pair of shoes that I use to dance in, is not actually built for dancing. Besides, it cost me like 100 aud but it is pretty comfy. However, in this shop, I could get a custom made pair of actual dancing shoes at around 130 ringgit.
Firstly you just look at all the assortment of designs on display on the shelves. Then you pick the colours/glitter you want, and also what kind of strap you'd like. Seriously it's so much easier to wear this pair than my old pair. I wasn't an expert in choosing/buying shoes, so I just went along with what looks cute and chose to have it in black + black glitter. The display was silver + silver glitter. Then, they measure your feet. In a week's time, the shoes are ready to be picked up. Once I collect it, I'll take a pic of it.
Mixed Feelings
It seems like anything that could go wrong yesterday went wrong. At least, not completely, but the feeling is there.
So I woke up extra early today to hop on the computer one last time in my room in Sydney in 2008. Our flight to Cairns is at 10 pm and we're scheduled to arrive at noon.
Seems like today's not starting out well either for some reasons...
I'll survive, I guess, sucks to be stuck in between. And to top it off, the stuff I have to worry on my own.
Sighs.
So I woke up extra early today to hop on the computer one last time in my room in Sydney in 2008. Our flight to Cairns is at 10 pm and we're scheduled to arrive at noon.
Seems like today's not starting out well either for some reasons...
I'll survive, I guess, sucks to be stuck in between. And to top it off, the stuff I have to worry on my own.
Sighs.
Sometimes
I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know why I do things, I don't know what I'm getting at.
It's so hard to be conflicting within oneself. It's so hard to wish for things that seems like it would never come true.
It's life.
I remember asking out once, whether I am worth it or not.
At this moment, I realize, no. I only wish to feel that way, but it can't change the fact. I'm just not, and I just waste ppl's time. Or get used.
Pls don't contact me.
It's so hard to be conflicting within oneself. It's so hard to wish for things that seems like it would never come true.
It's life.
I remember asking out once, whether I am worth it or not.
At this moment, I realize, no. I only wish to feel that way, but it can't change the fact. I'm just not, and I just waste ppl's time. Or get used.
Pls don't contact me.
Seperti hati ditikam
Kadang-kadang, rasa sakit hati sangat. Tapi memang salah sendiri.. Sendiri yang membuat pilihan. Adakan pilihan itu memang salah ke? Tak juga, memang pilihan itu diingini, tetapi adakah masanya kurang sesuai?
Entahlah, bila seronok tu, seronok sangat. Tapi bila geram tu, sakit sangat. Susahlah, rasa macam diri sendiri tidak difahami.
Be Here Now~
Kicking up a storm,
From the day that I was born,
Sing a song to me,
One from Let It Be,
Open up your eyes get a grip on yourself inside!
~Oasis
Entahlah, bila seronok tu, seronok sangat. Tapi bila geram tu, sakit sangat. Susahlah, rasa macam diri sendiri tidak difahami.
Be Here Now~
Kicking up a storm,
From the day that I was born,
Sing a song to me,
One from Let It Be,
Open up your eyes get a grip on yourself inside!
~Oasis
Another Down Time
There's more to it that it meets the eye.
And I'm just on the verge of giving up.
I guess I'll be quiet for some while.
Not like anyone would care as much.
And I'm just on the verge of giving up.
I guess I'll be quiet for some while.
Not like anyone would care as much.
The Good and The Bad
The Good:
I got full marks for my first math assignment, which is data management for statistical analysis... which carries 10% into my final grade
But it's not something I would or could gloat about, being that the majority (I'm assuming) of the class got full marks too (yes, it was an easy assignment)
The Bad:
I failed my actuarial quiz.. again o.o; although I did better than my first quiz last semester; but still, especially being in a class full of outstanding students of the course, the pressure is there, and I can't help feeling how useless and hopeless I am day by day.
I got full marks for my first math assignment, which is data management for statistical analysis... which carries 10% into my final grade
But it's not something I would or could gloat about, being that the majority (I'm assuming) of the class got full marks too (yes, it was an easy assignment)
The Bad:
I failed my actuarial quiz.. again o.o; although I did better than my first quiz last semester; but still, especially being in a class full of outstanding students of the course, the pressure is there, and I can't help feeling how useless and hopeless I am day by day.
Hope
It's so easy to hope; and so easy to get disappointed... So at most of the time, I try not to hope at all... Yet sometimes, you can't help hoping for something good to happen, hope for people to do what they say they will do, to be what they said they will be... Or am I just expecting too much out of others...?
Yet at the same time, there are people who hope that I do well in my studies... People hoping I'd put all my effort in climbing up the career ladder... For me to be what they want me to be...
Thus in all the circle of hope and expectations, I tend to feel like I've lost my own sense of being my own person. While by doing as I am hoped to do gives me some sort of direction in life, I also feel like I don't have the power to decide on my own without having to consult 'the expectors' first.
Meh. Why do I even try hoping from people? I'm just liable to be disappointed again.. and again.. and again.
^btw, this is not directed to anyone; i'm just 'withdrawing' myself so i can cope better...
thinking about it again, now i realize why i just love surprises...
Yet at the same time, there are people who hope that I do well in my studies... People hoping I'd put all my effort in climbing up the career ladder... For me to be what they want me to be...
Thus in all the circle of hope and expectations, I tend to feel like I've lost my own sense of being my own person. While by doing as I am hoped to do gives me some sort of direction in life, I also feel like I don't have the power to decide on my own without having to consult 'the expectors' first.
Meh. Why do I even try hoping from people? I'm just liable to be disappointed again.. and again.. and again.
^btw, this is not directed to anyone; i'm just 'withdrawing' myself so i can cope better...
thinking about it again, now i realize why i just love surprises...
At times like these
I just hate myself.
Study plan problems. Software problems. Subject problems. Stochastic problems.
And me being a somewhat emo-ish person, just probably trying to attract attention from...
I'm just hopeless. Meh.
And no, I'm not suicidal or whatever. Just go away. I have my down moments, ok?
I need a break
Study plan problems. Software problems. Subject problems. Stochastic problems.
And me being a somewhat emo-ish person, just probably trying to attract attention from...
I'm just hopeless. Meh.
And no, I'm not suicidal or whatever. Just go away. I have my down moments, ok?
I need a break
About Me
- Ayin
- Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia
- Liking a good challenge, physical activities such as sports, fitness; a bit on the lazy side when it comes to thinking games.
Stalkers
