The State of Confusion

For the past few days, history repeated itself. Sometimes I wonder why I'm always like this. Again, I'm worrying and such, or perhaps a bit confused, I'm not even sure.

I know I did have some mood swings (but with reason, actually, that I shall keep to myself). But sorry for spreading it around...

Again, I felt, like, ever wonder if someone is upset at you? That feeling has been biting me for a while again. But when I look back at the things I did, and the choices I made, I don't know what I should've done any other way.

Then it comes to thinking about the decisions I did make. I know that I'm pretty secretive about something, but there's so many reasons around it. Fear, worry, insecurity, and more.

One of the things that's biting me the most is insecurity. I'm still so unsure about the path I've chosen. I hate this feeling. I need reason. I want reasons, aside from my own wants, I crave assurance. But how? I don't know.

So sometimes I fear what happens later. With me feeling so unsure. I wish I could see it.

Confusions.. why does it baffle me so? Fear, I'm afraid to lose the ppl I care for. It stops me from thinking any unthinkables but some do haunt me till now...

So much in my past have influenced the way I am now. Can I change it? I can. But why should I? I often hope for ppl to change, but what am I thinking? Then it comes down to just changing myself, it's easier, rather than getting disappointed with people. But after a long time, it comes down to wtf, I wanna be myself.

I don't want to expect anything anymore. I always tell this to myself. But there's half of me that still hopes. But often hope turns into disappointment. So very often. Yet I still continue hoping...