Intense and Stressful

I'm having my midsession holiday, ya...

So... I wanted to devote my holidays to studying my worst subject this semester... I have a total of nine weeks of lecture to study, and about nine days of holiday... It's already day seven, and I'm still stuck at week one's lecture...

Ugh... As much as I try and tell myself I can do it, somehow, I'm still so afraid that I can't catch up in time, for the second test in two weeks, and finals in a month... As much as I stared and looked at the lecture notes, the examples from the text, only half of it looks familiar and understandable.... As for the rest, it's like a foreign language to me...

I've really lost my confidence in passing this course... passing... not talking about getting higher distinctions or anything, i just want to pass... and that itself, is not in sight at all...

Thus, I'm scared... and I'm very unused to this much amount of work that I need to put in, in order to survive uni here... I'm scared, that my scholarship may be compromised, if I do fail the course... I'm afraid, that this failure, might taint my qualifications for life... In bottom line, I'm scared to fail...

I'm embarrased, that now that it's already week ten, I'm still struggling to understand week one's notes... I've lost my confidence, in getting through this... I'm so depressed, and stressed out because of this...

=/

On the other hand, went to city again, to meet up with the group for my management research project... doing some research on the ethical differences between America and Indonesia... Pics will come later, when I have the time and mood to post them... on Still Snaps, of course... but here's one of them:

me slacking off, while Fiony discusses stuff with Kris
Pic taken by Muzi