Miscommunication?

*sighs* no reply or anything still, I wonder where I stand now

Goals this month:
Go inactive on neo, by the end of February/beginning or March, just so I can have one last month of fun in my legion, and the guild... Hopefully, I will have also filled up the mini mall by then, so I don't have to venture to the BDC anymore
Stop thinking about my loss of trust and friendship, hoping I'll be able to focus again
Protect myself from hurting myself from caring and trusting too much
Upload more pics onto my pic blog =p
Be a lot more fluent in Mandarin by the end of the Level 2 class
Fix up my crappy life in Aussie
Find more self-esteem.. somehow...

Things to look forward to:
Umm.. learning to cook with Yoke? (classmate in mandarin class)
Bal's arrival (yay!)
Start of the semester (Er...)
Oh yeah... me turning older x.x (Blah, I like 21)


I'm so hopeless... My mind still wanders about the friend who is no longer a friend =/ Always thinking if my e-mail was read... thinking if what I've been posting is read... if my little messages were read... if i'm actually really cut out from the friendship, just like that... I'm thinking... if it's so easy for him to do that... Why can't I do the same? Why is it hard for me to let go as well? It's different... I know there're some friends, who I no longer speak to as much... or just drift apart... Most of them, I think, almost all, actually, we parted on good terms... we went on with our own lives... But if we ever meet again, or bump into each other, it'll be "hey! how have you been doing?" and such... But this one... the cold shoulder... the silent treatment... Thus, I'm so bewildered

*tries to put it all away* but it's not easy... because, i don't want to... but i have to x.x


and today, blahhh... had to pay rent still... so idk what's up with the arrangement between the Housing/Office and the Bank, and I'm running out of funds x.x but i'll last a bit more... hopefully... and not get evicted from my home =/ *burns Unpaid Rent notice*